A Blog For Those Affected By Environmental And Invisible Illnesses Written By Fellow Survivors
so this is how it is.
This is a post from my Planet Thrive blog from last month. Thought it would be good to share here so people can see how others are living with MCS.
Not sure how my life came to this.
I have 3 outfits, all thin and worn, ripped and stain, unwashed for 4 months, not warm enough for winter. I have no bedding except 1 thin and narrow shawl that does very little to keep me warm. I sleep on a 1" thick chair mat on the cold tiled floor. My pillowcase is stained brown from not being washed for months and months. I don't tolerate the water in my home. I have to go to a friend's house to get drinking water, 1 gallon a day. I get filtered water from the local stinky supermarket, then heat it on a hot plate and wash my hair in the tub with a cup. I don't do laundry. I wash my dishes with water that I cannot tolerate, and then rinse them at the end with water from the 1 gallon my friend shares with me. I don't tolerate my refrigerator so I store my cold foods in a cooler, changing the ice packs for newly frozen ones from the outdoor freezer everyday. I don't have a stove, and do all my cooking on a hot plate and in a crockpot. I don't tolerate the heater at night and go to sleep without it on. If I'm lucky, I can turn it on at 2 -3 - 4- 5 am -- whenever I get woken up by the cold. The temperature has dropped so much this week though, that even with the heat on, I am freezing.
I suspect my computer use is playing into my extreme sensitivity. When I turn on my heater at night after sitting at my pc for hours, my skin itches like crazy. That's before it gets warm, too soon for it to be drying. It's an EMF reaction. After a few hours of sleep I seem able to better tolerate the heater. I must be releasing some of the stored EMFs in my body while I sleep. So I plan to take a computer break for several weeks, at least.
I have no TV. It's cold in here. I have a few books to read. Not sure what I will do for those few weeks with no computer.
How did my life get to this point? And are things bad?
I try to remind myself daily of all my blessings.
- I'm not in Iraq, or another unstable country where the whole infrastructure is a mess. (Although it's really an illusion if we think our country is much more stable than that...we are all teetering on the edge of a massive collapse).
- I have my sight, my hearing, my limbs, my brain.
- I have friends.
- I'm even in love. How lucky is that?!
- Usually I'm not in pain.
- My problems are transient...they come and go with toxic exposures.
- I can sleep pretty well.
- I still have some clothes I can wear.
- I have two pairs of holey socks that somehow, when worn right, equal 1 pair of whole socks.
- I have closed shoes for the winter that I can tolerate.
There are lots of things to be thankful for. I can even, if I try hard enough, if I relax enough, feel thankful for being forced to slow down, to reduce, to pare, to get to my essence. That in itself is a gift. One most of us reject, deny, push away, until we just have no choice. And my ability to choose is wearing thin. So I choose, now, my last resort, to stop using the computer, to save my life.
Maybe without the computer, I could tolerate the heater all night. Maybe I could start wearing warmer clothing. Maybe I wouldn't imagine driving to Mexico to find the sun and risking exposure to all sorts of unregulated chemicals and pesticides. Maybe I could actually stay here and make a life with someone I love.
It's really come down to this. I have nowhere to go. Nowhere to go but inside me. It's time to lower my frequency and tell those bugs in me that they need to go find another home this winter. My place is no longer an open house.
I'm ready for my rebirth.
reposted from: http://planetthrive.com/members/blog/earthwalker